7 Things Every Writer Wants for Christmas

1. Massive respectable social media following with minimal effort (like, you create the account, and bam…thousands of adoring fans dying to pay for your words)

2. 50,000 paid Substack subscribers

3. Stephen King’s advances (book advances, not sexual ones; though, I’m sure some would like both)

4. A Netflix adaptation of their book featuring all of their favorite actors and actresses (ahem, Natalie Portman)

5. For “write drunk” to actually produce the most brilliant great American novel of all time because let’s be honest…it’s actually “write drunk and wtf-is-this-crap-delete-all sober” (was I crying?)

6. To not worry that your mom will read your writing. To not worry what your mom will think. To not worry that your mom won’t read your writing. … … …To find a cheaper therapist.

7. An award other than that “best lover” trophy and those flowers you got for yourself. A book award. THE book award. Any book award. But seriously, something to put on the book cover other than, “I read most of it. Bless her heart. –Amy’s mom”

1. To log onto social media and not see people desecrate the apostrophe

2. For people to recognize their value and to insist on paying them well above what they’re asking

3. Also 50,000 paid Substack subscribers

4. To be besties with Ben Dreyer

5. For people to ignore their typos

Peace, love, and prose!

Amy

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