Try Listening Instead of Figuring Out What to Say Next

It happens at work and it happens at home. You would think we would learn our lesson?

I admit sometimes all the nagging runs together into a blur. Oftentimes I try to tune out, but most times I will be thinking about how I am going to react to what she is saying.

Wait a minute, I wasn’t even listening?

See here’s the deal: this is my wife of ten years. It has always been a point of pride in our relationship that we are honest with one another. But, this is the woman I love, telling me why she is angry and the only reason I am listening is because I want to have a good comeback to continue the argument?

WTF?

So, I tried something different. I shut my mouth, looked her in the eyes to let her know I was paying attention, and I listened. Without me interrupting, she paused slightly and then continued talking.

In fact she continued talking for a full 15 minutes!

I had been wondering for so long what the hell was wrong with her, why she was angry, why she nagged about every little thing that I did, and why I couldn’t seem to do anything right by her.

All I had to do was shut up and listen and she told me.

It almost seemed like when I used to do the same things to the people I worked with back in the day. I was the boss, and when my bosses came to me with projects, I would listen, but my mind was already thinking 10 steps ahead and I was formulating what I was going to reply and what I had to do.

It didn’t help at work then, and worse, it was ruining my marriage now

What is happening with my wife, is what happens to a lot of us when we get to a certain age. We have spent so much of ourselves, of our lives, doing for others. We sacrifice and give of ourselves until there is nothing left for us. Then we are left with wondering what happened to the things we wanted in life. What happened to the goals and dreams and plans of a future where we were a better version of ourselves, where we were not the same old person day after day giving pieces of ourselves to satisfy others?

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